University is a strange thing. To me it feels like being in a bubble; time seems to pass quicker and heightened stress and anxiety.
I guess this post is a continuation of my last post discussing university and how I feel about the experience. An important development is that shortly after my previous post, nearly a year ago, I ended up withdrawing from the university to go back to my part time job - the experience there was too isolating and damaging for me to carry on. Now, a year later, I am back at a different university, closer to home with a similar course to what I was doing previously.
As I write this I am only heading into my third week but it seems like a lot longer. The weird thing about the 'bubble' is that I can now be pulled out of it by simply returning home for a weekend or so. As nice as that has been I feel it may become slightly damaging to myself. When in the 'bubble', I am more anxious than I usually am, more tired, social experiences drain me more, more aware of my finances but also able to deal with certain situations a little better because it becomes the norm. I am not great with extroverted people and a lot of people I seem to encounter would fit into that category, consequently I sink deeper into an anxious state, not wanting to emerge out of my room to make myself dinner. Despite my best efforts, a few days into the university experience I withdraw.
Pulling myself out of the 'bubble' is great by allowing myself to return to a sense of normal before university but when I get put back in, everything seems a lot worse - I am not able to deal with situations as well as I would in the 'bubble' for a week or so. The extroverts seem more extroverted and I become more introverted.
Finding ways to cope with this is still a work in progress. I'm not very good with empty time, preferring to have structure and a busy day. Currently I don't have that, only being in university for two days a week leaving me with five days to fill. I am attempting the society route, trying to find people with similar interests to help fill the time, recently having tried ice skating and photography. I am also fortunate to have my best friend studying at the same university and therefore around should I need her, a greatly appreciated reassurance.
University feels like being between two worlds; your life before university and your university one, both having different social standards. As much as I try to embrace the university lifestyle I feel drawn back to my life before, missing my job and the friends I've made from that and even simply being able to drive. University offers the opportunity to live away from home and live a more independent life but all I think about is the one I left behind, pulled between two worlds, confined to the 'bubble'.