It's common knowledge that the adjustment to university comes with a variety of new challenges; getting used to a new place, living alone and meeting a whole bunch of new people, just to name a few. As someone who wasn't 100% sold on the idea of going to university or really knowing what I wanted from it, this time seemed even more unfamiliar and challenging but it didn't truly hit me until a few weeks in.

I moved into my accommodation the day after the rest of my block but was also when the remaining half of the student village were moving in. I already had slight fears that the rest of my flat would have bonded and I would be left out in the cold. Even silly things like I would end up with a 'bad' cupboard but is that really a thing? Move in day I didn't really feel anything about the whole experience. I wasn't nervous or anxious, just flat. The first day was probably the most interaction the whole flat has had in the past month and a bit I've been here. We all went to the SU bar, played some poole but left pretty quickly. From that day, everyone returned to their own business, sat in their rooms for hours on end with not a great deal of interaction. I'm not purely blaming them for that, I did also sit in my room but I didn't expect the isolation to happen so quickly.
The idea of living away from home didn't bother me to much, I cook my own meals, work and don't rely to heavily on my parents, I don't think anyway. Those changes weren't an issue. Having grown up with two dogs from the age of 6, that was the greatest struggle family wise. One of my dogs has been my companion ever since we got him. He follows me around everywhere, sits with me and only really listens to me. That change was the most difficult, especially when the low moments did first begin to hit.
The isolation and loneliness hit a few days in. I had introductory talks and lessons during the first week which I barely managed to hold it together for. I have had issues with mental health in the past but I try not to talk about them openly very much. I could feel that these issues were starting to rise again for the first time in around a year. I'm not the best at adjustment, I spent a year adjusting to college when that's only two years for a lot of people. I knew this adjustment was going to be difficult as things previously have, just didn't expect it to hit so suddenly.
My biggest issue being here is the loneliness and the isolation. I wouldn't say I'm always the best at meeting people, especially when my mental health is flaring up. I had high hopes before coming to university that my flat would bond really well, we'd do things together, I'd have another girl on my floor I'd really bond with, but none of that happened, instead I got a floor of isolation. I am also not a big drinker nor am I keen on going out to clubs so a lot of the Freshers events were out of the question for me. I tried but ended up panicking before even leaving so had to bail on that one and didn't particularly want to try again. I ended up going to one Fresher's event being the Fresher's Ball and once for a night out which was okay but not something I see being a regular occurrence.
The super low point hit going into the second week. I hadn't really spoken to anyone and was at the peak of loneliness. I had multiple breakdowns where I would be crying for hours and hours and then I definitely did not want to leave my room. Deciding whether to drop out or not was at the forefront of my mind. I tried getting up for my lesson, showered but ended up crawling back into bed and crying for hours on end, once again. By lunchtime, I had just about managed to drag myself out of bed and head to the main building, adamant I wanted to drop out. Things had gotten so bad. After speaking to the residential officer and the appropriate person for leaving, I had calmed a bit. I'd say the up side of when I'm in a mental slump is that I can still think semi rationally, it's like I have two minds fighting - the depression and the rational thought. I knew I couldn't fully listen to the depression so I gave myself another day after having spoken to family and friends.
Thankfully because of that rational side, the next day I had was much better. I opened up a bit about the problems I was having to the two friends I had started to make and they were very supportive. Because of that, they checked in on me and aided me in lessons. The course was always a positive for me, I am always eager to learn more about the media especially as someone who has been away from it for a year.
Since then, I've had to take everyday as it comes. The isolation I'm still struggling with but trying to make sure I get out is a key part of that. Speaking with the mental health and wellbeing team the University has is something I need to remain working with to ensure my mental health doesn't get so bad again.
University has definitely not been what I expected so far and the expectations I had before coming here played a part in the breakdowns that followed. A new issue I'm facing is the lack of things to do. I am yet to be set any assignments, just small tasks that don't take long to complete, so my days are often empty allowing it all to creep back again. All of my lessons are in the morning so by lunchtime I'm back to trying things to do to occupy my time. Last year I was so busy balancing college and working that I didn't have the time for these issues to majorly crop up. The abrupt change to doing nothing did not help matters. I've been trying a few new things to fill time and try to meet people that isn't in the drinking environment but I am finding that difficult.
I truly don't know if I'll stick with uni until the very end but at this point I'm still fighting to stay afloat and hopefully I will remain so.